Ups, Downs, Right, Left, Spectacle, Testicle, Wallet and Watch

Tuesday nights sleep wasn't great and I woke up with a fright on Wednesday morning, even though I didn't have to go to work. I was off to Bath for the day, so after being on hold for an eternity with NTL, and then the water board, my mum arrived and off we went.

The traffic and weather weren't kind and I was feeling really tense. But, I did manage to enjoy myself in the end, me mum managed to come out with some pearls of wisdom and made me purchase a new outfit! So, I went mad and spent quite a bit of cash. Bought a new jacket which is well smart, jumper and trousers. Also, bought my mum lunch as it was her birthday and she has helped me quite a lot in the last few weeks. Bath was good, but the memories were there and at some points it was tough. But, I'm glad I've been there again already or I may never of gone back again, which would of been quite sad.

On the way home, I was shattered and fell asleep for a while, and I wished I fallen asleep all the way because as I was getting dropped off by my mum, I saw Andrea. Not too speak to, but just to see in passing, and my stomach lurched towards the floor!!! I wasn't good after that, but couldn't put my finger on why. My mum left and I went on the net, and tried to find some information about getting a film script commissioned. I found a few addresses, and even an email address, which said they'd be happy to review scripts and give feedback, but only if laid out properly. This could prove to be a struggle, as I haven't formatted any of the script yet, and now that I have it is taking ages. It's not great fun, but the net stated that if it doesn't look right it'll go straight in the bin.

James came and picked me up then and we went to the Maltesers for a few sociables and a look at Chelsea's European progress. It was a good evening, good chat and actually had me in a relaxed state of mine. Afterwards, I got some food and went home. I tried to format some of the script, but ran out of motivation fairly quickly and went to bed.

I need a HERO! Or maybe just a pleasant pleasure!

The day started of badly with a dream which could of made me phone in sick to work. But, I battled straight on cracked on with my work and tried to entertain some others. I had a 1990-2001 lyrics quiz which I used as a quiz all day, due to the lack of a team leader! Exploitation of HBOS resources always good!!! Had the take the piss regarding yesterdays Spandau Ballet/Ross Kemp confusion, and again it made me laugh my ass off!!

After work, i had started to feel pretty good, so I popped to James house and then came home for some food! It was cinema club time so I got ready and waited for Karen to call round. She was running late so I played on the guitar for a bit. The last two weeks have seen me play the guitar more than I have done in the last year. Strange!!!!

Karen arrived and we went to the Sringbok to meet a smaller version of the cinema club. Just Perry, and Don from the boys. Matt had stayed home. The film was Hero and was awesome. (Review soon but I have been slack and haven't done last weeks yet!). Just as I was goin into the screen, I bumped into andrea's sister Jo. My stomach tightened but I wasn't too bad, and it was cool speaking to her. Jo was always really cool, and I got on with her. It wasn't awkward, but still a little unnerving. But, next time it would be fine.

Happy birthday to my Mum! Going to Bath with her tomorrow for food and shopping. Might have to spoil her! Need to get a way for a day and enjoy myself. This is a great opportunity. Big shout out to Owain's top trump game, I needed a tenner lady after looking at the photos!

He carries a Big Stick, A Ball and Chain too

Firstly, on a sad note Wrestling fans around the world unite for Ray Traylor a.k.a the Big boss man has passed away. Constantly given people a 'Hard time', and laying some night stick action down on some of the best WWF/WWE wrestlers of all time. I'll always remember Big Boss Man for one of the funniest segments I had ever seen. Big Show's at a fake funeral for his dad and Boss man turns up in a Hurst and tows the coffin down the street with Big Show hanging on for dear life!! Also, the Kennel from Hell match (what were they thinking?), and one of the cheesiest theme tunes ever. Respect to Boss man.

So, what have I done today? Applied for a position back on SLT. Better than where I am, and more money so it's a step in right direction. Work was average today, not good, not awful. Although, I did manage to laugh out loud and nearly spit drink everywhere, when one of the lads on my team said 'I've got an application for Ross Kemp, wasn't he in Spandau Ballet?' I giggled at the stupidity but then someone else said yes! I just creased up and managed to tell them that Ross Kemp was actually Grant Mitchell! Class! Had a few tough spots today where my brain just didn't want to think about work, but the last 3 weeks. Not good when your trying your hardest to stay in a positive frame of mind.

When I arrived in work, I immediately took abuse for the Wolves result but did get a programme of the game from Nia (Big thanks, really appreciated that). This cheered me up until people started too notice my now purple eye! Katie had also bought me a present, but I didn't have a clue what it was. It turned out that a while back we had been talking about kids programmes and how much we both liked Bertha as a kid. Well, she'd only ordered a DVD from Play.com! I laughed and have watched one episode this evening. Surreal!!

Left work and pottered around Asda before getting back and talking to Owain. (Cheers Mr Lewis, had a great chat mate, helped me loads, looking forward to seeing you soon buddy). And not much else, didn't get anything planned for this evening and its really weird being on my own!
Busy for the rest of the week though, I shall take this chance to try to chill out!

The Black Eyed Peas

Yesterday was a strange day. The first weekend that I have spent on my own since the dead duck day. I didn't get out of bed until 1.45 and then I really didn't know what to with myself. Do I go to town on my own? Do I ring some people up and see what there up to? It really was a strange feeling. I just lazed around for a while and listened to the football on the radio and proceeded to write some more of my film script. It's coming along nicely!

I then got ready and went down Matty J's house to start the night off. We got a taxi to Perry's house and had a few beers before walking into town and going to Callaghans to see Chris (Ton's of fun) play in his band the ErrorPlains. Quite a strange combination of guitar and electrics, bit like the chemical brothers, loads of drum and bass etc! I enjoyed it and it was something that I hadn't done for a long time. We went from there to the Philly and the fun and games commenced. I had decided not to get that drunk and I stuck to my word and only had a few more drinks in the Philly, but I still had a good time. It was later that the night was ruined by the typical yob culture of Cardiff, and one reason which always makes me think twice about going into town. I went outside at closing time and 4-5 women started having a mass brawl. They were on the floor and pushing people and I was just standing there kind a got caught up in it. The next thin I know some bloke has just punched/or headbutted in the face and I didn't even see who it was. I turned around and he was gone, and nobody had seen who it was. Matty J didn't see anything, so I was just stuck with a massive black eye. Woke up this morning and it doesn't look good. I've never had a black eye in the whole of my life and I feel that this one was just completely unnecessary. So, I might as well make a request now if anybody else wants to shit on me from a great height then come and do it now. I think I've experienced so much in the last 3 weeks that nothing else could really make it worse. I've had the dead duck day, my gramps in hospital, the fridge packed in and the DVD player. I didn't get that job in work, I get punched in the head for no reason. My little sister had trouble in school and rang me up crying bless her. But, I'm still standing I don't want to think about giving up and rolling onto my knees never to get up again. I'm gonna turn this son-a-bitch sideways and stick up the world's candy ass!! (Thanks Dwayne Johnson).

I left Matt's very early this morning and drove home. I was supposed to play football but to be honest my hearts just not in it. The lads are cool but I just don't really think I fit in there and would prefer to start running again. With roath park, so close to my new place then hopefully I will get some motivation, maybe even join a running club. Also, training is now going to be 9 till 10 on a Thursdays evening - too late me thinks!!! So I went back to sleep, and chilled. The phone went constantly between 12 and 1. My brother rang me and had a chat about last night. He's a real good lad, and I'm glad that he years me and him had as youngsters in school, constantly on at each other left us behind. I'm really proud of Matt cos he has shown everyone that he is capable of achieving what he wants. I look forward to going down to Reading in a few weeks!

My uncle text me then, and my sister! Then I spoke to an old skool HBOS'er Martyn Price (Rolph). I hadn't spoken to him for ages and he hadn't heard about the Andrea story so it was tough re-telling the story but needed to be down and afterwards I felt better. We spoke for a long time and I look forward to seeing him in the next few weeks too. Old friendships it seems stand the test of time. Then, me mum rang. This really was hard. Over the last week, everyone has said how proud they are of me etc etc but even I felt that I had been doing well. Speaking to my mum sent me into relapse and I just had to have a cry. The black eye, the weight still on my shoulders and the little hangover have not helped. Note to self - stay off the pop for at least a week.

On a lighter note, anybody who wants to abuse me for supporting Wolves and being beaten by Cardiff city this weekend, feel free!

Damn it Janet!

The night out was fun. After getting to Perry's house and drinking stupid amounts of Turbo Shandy, and being bloated like a goodyear blimp, we ended up in the Springbok. It was pretty keep and after the earlier drinks festivities were already pretty merry. The lads were trying to coax me into pulling some birds but I felt like a wall was still blocking my way and I just didn't have any confidence to even bother trying. Really strange feeling, several emotions at once, and just made me feel far too awkward. The drinks flowed and then we went to the Hard rock cafe and then onto the Philly!!

It was rammed and we had to queue up to get in, but it was quite amusing. Several people tried to sneak in through an open side door and soon got busted back to the street. Three girls who funnily enough work at HBOS in the evenings in Inbound, were queuing just in front. They were all from London and were squeaky as hell!! In fact, we just called one of them Squeaky! Well, a bit of banter went to and fro, until someone mentioned that I'd just been dumped. This didn't sit well with me at all, and to be perfectly honest pissed me off. If I want to tell people then fair enough, but I don't need anyone else spreading my life around like marmite on toast. The girl unfortunately got it in the neck for this. I didn't do anything stupid but just told her to mind her own business and for everyone else to keep their noses out. She was alright about it and actually apologists to me afterwards, she was harmless but had the most annoying voice ever!!!

The Philly was a bit crap, too many people and too many blokes. It was still a good laugh as we wandered around and chatted to randoms!! Perry and Don went home early and me and Matt stayed till closing time. By the time, we had staggered out and finished talking to three girls from Talybont (oh the memories!), who thought Matt was a gay hairdresser, it was nearly 2.30. The taxi ride home was well funny. The lighthouse family came on the radio singing High. I mentioned it was a bit of a tune so the driver cranked it up and all three of us sang it all the way home! The funny thing was I didn't even think about this until 1 o'clock this afternoon. I was like, did that really happen? A singing taxi driver?! Class!

Well, work was ok today even though I was pretty ill. The breakfast helped and I just got on with it. When I finished at 2.45, I dropped Matt home and then went to James house. Nora, James and I all went ot he new gaff to pay the bond, and had a sly pint in the Albany (that's going to be a great local). When I was there my current Landlord Peter rang me and said that he had people who were willing to move in before the 15th (when I was paid up to). He then offered to pay me money back as I was moving out on the 2nd. I couldn't believe it, what a quality bloke. I was well chuffed with this, but for some reason it also got me really upset, as it made every seem for final. I'd done so well this week, but I couldn't help a few tears escaping. I texted Andrea and told her so we can finally sort the final, final things out. So, Friday night and I'm not going out for the first time in 4 weeks!! Recovery is needed and tea at James is called for. God I'm so grateful to this pair! Out tomorrow though, so expect some more photos! Love and kisses to all!

'Someday we're gonna get so Highhhhhhhhhhh'

Damage Limitation

Yesterday, was another good and bad day. Andrea phoned me in the morning in work and I had to ring her back to give her some details about the landlord and explain the bill situation. The TV license people got right on my tits, but the others were simple enough. Speaking to Andrea didn't sit well with my stomach and that awful tense feeling came back for a hour or two, but after that I was ok again. Obviously, I still have things to sort out with Andrea but it doesn't make it any easier. Work was alright and went fairly quickly.

After work, I took my Nan shopping as my grampy is still recovering from his heart bypass op. Respect to the man though, cos he came out of hospital in less than week. I picked Nan up and the traffic was awful so we made back to Asda after bout half an hour. She got her bits and bobs and insisted on paying for mine because I'd taken her. Don't you just love Nan's! Went straight home after but it was already 7 and I was shattered. I then rang James and he said that I had to go to his cos he was cooking me food. Well, I couldn't really refuse an offer like that, could I?!!!

Nora cooked an awesome Thai curry and we chatted bout the new place, which just made me feel even more comfortable moving in with two of best friends. They've been great the last 3 weeks, and I am really excited for October 2nd. Got home bout 10 and tried to chill out before going bed and sleeping. Thank god the bad dreams have nearly gone!!

Today, work was really slow and I couldn't wait to leave. The boys have taken me under their wing and MADE me to go town tonight. The first time I will of been out drinking on a school night for a very long time!! Perry was great this morning and really cheered me up when I felt a little low. Matty J made the arrangements and it fitted in well, cos I can give him a lift to work tomorrow as I'm sleeping over. No doubt work will be tough tomorrow, hungover but it's only 9 till 2.45 so ca la vie! I hope I have a good night tonight, I'm sure I will, but I think I'll air on the side of caution on the booze front!! So, time to put on some tunes and get ready for another step up the ladder to moving on.

On a lighter note, I would like to send thanks out to The Thrills whose song what ever happened to Corey Haim?, milled around my head all day! Mental note to self - DO NOT listen to that song again before work.

Man, I'm really ticked off!

So, Tuesday! Well, good and bad things today. James was off sick but was in the process of sorting out his side of the bond etc for the flat so things are moving forward. Looks like I will have my new pad ready for October 2nd. A week before Owzy and WWE hit Cardiff! Good news all round.

After, the interview on Friday, I found out today that I didn't get the job, and was quite disappointed for all of an hour. I would of liked to of got it, of course I would, but afterwards I thought I can get depressed again or just crack on with everything else. I'll apply for something else and hopefully be successful with that, there's going to be very little feeling sorry for myself now. I had a little relapse when I went to sleep last night but I got through it and had a good nights sleep. No more bad dreams (fingers crossed). Some things still feel strange. I went to Asda after work to get some food and didn't have a clue what to get because I was only cooking for one! I managed to get a few things, went home, sorted some logistics (water bill etc), and then went straight back out to the cinema.

The cinema club was split again, but this week Bex came along for a chat and I had a great time. Matt J and Julia came with me and Bex to see Collateral (See review on my film log tomorrow). Perry, Don and Karen went to watch Anchorman. We all met before and the films finished at the same time which was handy cos I was giving Karen a lift home!! All in all, not a bad day.

RT-yes the photos were from Friday - Cheryl's leaving do!

Knackered now, so straight to bed!

Me and Karen 

Filippa, Cheryl and a wrecked Matty J 

Sam and Dolph (This photo is ace!) 

Kev, Rich, Cheryl and Matt H 

Don and Karen 

Dead duck day

So, when life is bumbling along, you never truly no what is round the corner. Now, the dead duck day (if you've seen about a boy you will know what I'm on about), knocked me for 6. Fate it seems dealt me a joker, and then ripped it in half, and gave it back to me!! I won't go into details, I'm now 23, single for the first time in very close to 3 years, and moving into a new flat with 2 mates in Roath. Seems strange, has felt bad, very bad and then not so bad. Yet, fate it seems has a new design for me.

Now, 3 years is a long time and looking back, I had some great times and some bad times, but I will always look back fondly over this time, except for the abrupt end. Now, I can truly understand what the phrase 'Time heals' feels like. But, what have I done about it?

Well, I applied for a new job and got an interview, awaiting the result tomorrow. I've auditioned for the new Halifax commercial, singing David Gray's Babylon without an accompaniment. Something, I never thought I would do. Also awaiting the result on that one (don't hold your breath, I'm under no illusion that will be far, far better people than myself auditioning). I've sorted a new flat, as of tonight with James Leavers (fellow HBOS'er) and his girlfriend Nora. A two bedroomed gaff which looks wicked and is ten paces away from the Albany pub! (Dear diary........................Jackpot).

Work is pretty crap at the mo, just a bit boring compared to the last few months, but I'll last it out cos the people there are still cool. Although, many have left.

The first few nights in the flat on my home have been okay and quite productive! This new blog, a few chats, some football, and some DVD's! Cinema tomorrow with Bex Kennedy. Thursday night playing football and Friday out on the lash again.

Last Friday, I went out with Matt James and had an awesome night. Cheers Matt, you've been wicked these last couple of weeks mate. Also massive thanks to Jo Mcmullen, Bex, Owzy, James Leavers, Don, Perry, Dolph, Sam, Rich, Nicola, Sara, Katie, Dave Byfield, Sally, my bro's and my mum! Anyway, from pub to club I drank, chatted and had a great night. I laughed properly for the first time in ages and also met Sarah who I hadn't seen in nearly a year and a half. Having worked with her in Tesco's as a fellow skater, we had been good mates, and it was cool just to catch up. I have some photo's to follow for the night out!

So, what am I going to do with myself now. Well, there's plenty planned. A shopping trip next week for me mum's birthday next week. A night out in port Talbot with Paul 'Grizzly' Levers, the WWE raw live and loaded show with Owzy and Josh. A new flat, hopefully a weekend away soon and what ever else I want (I guess!).

Things looked bad, but hopefully, it's only going to get better now!